SOMETHING TO CONSIDER. MANY A.A.’S FEEL THEY HAVE BEEN SOBER FOR A FEW YEARS, BUT HAVE NOT REALLY CHANGED THAT MUCH ON THE INSIDE, AND THIS LAST IS SUPPORTED BY CONTINUING PROBLEMS WITH ANGER, OR SADNESS OR FEARS…WITH NEGATIVE EMOTIONS.
MY SENSE OF THIS PHENOMENON IS THAT EARLIER IN OUR LIVES WE FELT OVERWHELMED WITH PROBLEMS AND THEIR ASSOCIATED NEGATIVE EMOTIONS; AND, FOUND THAT ALCOHOL WOULD DECREASE THEM WHILE ADDING SOME DEGREE OF MOOD-ALTERING RELIEF OR EVEN MOMENTS OF FREEDOM FROM THEM. IT SEEMS THAT EVERYONE IS LOOKING FOR HAPPINESS, BUT WHERE ONE LOOKS FOR HAPPINESS IS DIFFERENT. WHENEVER WE TRIED TO STOP DRINKING, WE FELT OUR NEGATIVE EMOTIONS MORE CLEARLY AND MORE FREQUENTLY. SO WE DRANK AGAIN TO OBTAIN OUR ESCAPE FROM THEM.
SOMEHOW WE GOT TO A POINT WHERE WANTED FREEDOM FROM NEGATIVE EMOTIONS AND FREEDOM FROM ALCOHOL. TO STOP DRINKING STOPPED MEDICATING OUR EMOTIONS, BUT DID NOT STOP OUR SEEKING GREATER HAPPINESS. WE STILL WANTED TO ESCAPE OUR NEGATIVE EMOTIONS AND MOVE FROM ONE EXTREME TO THE OTHER…FROM THE EMOTIONS OF HITTING BOTTOM TO THE PEACE OF SERENITY.
THE IDEA OF A PERFECT SERENITY IS PROBABLY AN EXTENSION OF OUR ALCOHOLISM IN THIS SENSE. WHEN DRINKING OR DRUGGING WE MEDICATED AS MANY NEGATIVE FEELINGS AS WE COULD AND HOPED THE JUICE WOULD ALSO HELP US FEEL HAPPIER. IN OTHER WORDS, WE MEDICATED OUR EMOTIONS TRYING TO ACHIEVE A KIND OF CHEMICALLY INDUCED, MOOD-ALTERING SERENITY. WE MAY HAVE STOPPED MEDICATING OUR FEELINGS IN RECOVERY, YET WE STILL WANTED TO ESCAPE THEM. OF COURSE, WE DO. BUT TO STOP MEDICATING DOESN’T AUTOMATICALLY CHANGE OUR MENTAL ATTITUDE OF WANTING TO ESCAPE OUR NEGATIVE EMOTIONS.
PRETTY MUCH, BILL W. PROMISED US THAT WE COULD OBTAIN SERENITY BY WORKING THE 12 STEPS. SO WE SET OUT TO DO JUST THAT. OUR FIRST OBSTACLE WAS POSSIBLY STEP #3 AND THE IDEA THAT GOD WAS NECESSARY FOR RECOVERY. IF YOU HAVE ATTENDED SEVERAL A.A. MEETINGS YOU MAY HAVE SEEN SOME FOLKS WHO BOLTED FROM THE ROOMS OF RECOVERY FOR THAT VERY REASON. THE NEXT BIG HURDLE WAS STEP #4 THRU #9 WHICH ARO– USED MANY NEGATIVE FEELINGS, FEELINGS OF FEAR, ANXIETY, GUILT, SHAME, AND SELF-LOATHING…THE VERY STUFF WE WANTED TO AVOID. THERE WE STOOD WITHOUT OUR MEDICATIONS FEELING THE WORST OF OUR NEGATIVE EMOTIONS. BUT THE GOAL NOW WAS TO LEARN WHAT CA– USED THEM AND WHAT IT WOULD TAKE TO CHANGE THOSE BEHAVIORS AND ATTITUDES FROM WHICH THEY SPRANG.
(PG.98; B.B.) “BURN THE IDEA INTO THE CONSCIOUSNESS OF EVERY MAN THAT HE CAN GET WELL REGARDLESS OF ANYONE. THE ONLY CONDITION IS THAT HE TRUST IN GOD AND CLEAN HO– USE.”
TRUST GOD AND CLEAN HO– USE…STEPS #3 THROUGH #9. THIS CAN BE A VERY TOUGH ROAD TO TRAVEL. OUR SEARCH FOR SOBRIETY AND SERENITY TOOK A PATH RIGHT THROUGH THE MINEFIELD OF NEGATIVE EMOTIONS. A MAJORITY OF US COULDN’T STAND IT AND LEFT A.A. ALTOGETHER. SOME OF US WORKED A SUPERFICIAL STEP #4 THRU #9 IN AN EFFORT TO ESCAPE SOME OF THE PAIN OF THESE DEVASTATING EMOTIONS. SOME THOUGHT GOD WOULD TAKE THEM AWAY JUST FOR THE ASKING, YET THOSE NEGATIVE FEELINGS KEPT RETURNING. SO WE OFTEN THOUGHT WE REALLY WEREN’T MAKING ENOUGH INNER PROGRESS. ADDICTS OF EVERY DESCRIPTION DESIRE TO ESCAPE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS, RATHER THEN DO THE HARD WORK OF LEARNING ABOUT OURSELVES FROM THEM, AND, LEARNING HOW TO MANAGE THEM BETTER.
(12 X 12; PG 43) ” BY DISCOVERING WHAT OUR EMOTIONAL DEFORMITIES ARE, WE CAN MOVE TOWARD THEIR CORRECTION. WITHOUT A WILLING AND PERSISTENT EFFORT TO DO THIS, THERE CAN BE LITTLE SOBRIETY OR CONTENTMENT FOR US.” ( 12 X 12 )
(12 X 12; PG 58) “NO DEFECT CAN BE CORRECTED UNLESS WE CLEARLY SEE WHAT IT IS…WE SOON FOUND THAT WE COULD NOT WISH NOR WILL THEM AWAY BY OURSELVES.”
NOT MAKING INNER PROGRESS MAY BE PARTLY DUE TO WORKING A POOR STEP #4 THRU STEP #9. I HAVE FOUND THAT THOSE WHO DO A SUPERFICIAL JOB ON STEP #9 ALSO HAVE DONE A HALF JOB ON STEP #3, AS IF STEP #9 IS THE ACID TEST OF OUR STEP #3 PROGRESS. FOR IN STEP #9, WE NEED TO TURN THE OUT-COME OVER TO GOD FOR DEFECTS WHICH MAY PRODUCE SCARY LEGAL CONSEQUENCES AND THAT TAKES A LOT OF TRUST IN GOD.
STEP #4 SHOULD BE MORE THAN A SIMPLE CONFESSION OR LISTING OF OUR MORE GLARING DEFECTS. MINIMALLY, IT SHOULD INCLUDE WHAT TRIGGERED MY DEFECT, AND WHAT WAS THE TRUE MOTIVE BENEATH MY RATIONALIZATIONS. THEN DESCRIBE THE ACTUAL DEFECT IN NAKED HONESTY.
STEP #5 IS WHERE WE OUGHT TO OBTAIN INSIGHTFUL FEEDBACK FROM OUR SPONSOR AND GOD TO INCREASE OUR UNDERSTANDING OF OUR DEFECT.
STEP #6. THE PRINCIPLE OF STEP #6 IS WILLINGNESS TO GIVE UP THESE DEFECTS. THEREFORE LET’S LOOK CAREFULLY AT THE COST, LOSS, PAIN, AND DAMAGE THAT EACH DEFECT BROUGHT UPON OUR OWN HEADS…ONE DEFECT AT A TIME.
STEP #7: HERE IS WHERE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE IS MADE. WE TYPICALLY ASK GOD TO REMOVE OUR DEFECT AS IF IT SHOULD BE EXILED INTO OUTER DARKNESS WITH NO THOUGHT OF WHAT GOD WOULD HAVE US REPLACE IT WITH. THE CORRECT IDEA IS TO REPLACE THE DEFECT WITH AN ALTERNATIVE SET OF ATTITUDES AND BEHAVIORS THAT GOD WOULD BE WILLING TO HELP US ACCOMPLISH.
(PG 86 B.B. ) “AFTER MAKING OUR REVIEW WE ASK GOD’S FORGIVENESS AND INQUIRE WHAT CORRECTIVE MEASURES SHOULD BE TAKEN.” WHY ASK WHAT CORRECTIVE MEASURES SHOULD BE TAKEN IF THERE IS NO MORE WORK FOR US TO ACCOMPLISH?
CONSIDER THE LAST LINE OF THE 12th STEP, “AND PRACTICE THESE PRINCIPLES IN ALL OUR AFFAIRS”. SOMETHING OR OTHER NEEDS NEARLY CONSTANT PRACTICE TO HELP US SHIFT FROM A DEFECT TO A BETTER WAY, AND NOT JUST STUFF OUR NEGATIVE EMOTIONS FURTHER DOWN INSIDE OURSELVES.
SERENITY IS NOT AN ALL OR NOTHING EVENT. SERENITY COMES INCREMENTALLY AS WE MAKE PROGRESS ON THE ABOVE…ONE DEFECT AT A TIME.
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I HONESTLY DON’T THINK GOD’S PLAN INCLUDES FEELING NOTHING BUT HAPPINESS. AS I LOOK AT THIS AREA, I FIND THAT I CAN LEARN MORE ABOUT MYSELF FROM NEGATIVES EMOTIONS; AND, THAT I CAN ALSO LEARN HOW TO HANDLE THOSE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS MUCH BETTER. BUT I NEVER BECOME ENTIRELY FREE FROM ALL NEGATIVE EMOTIONS THEMSELVES. THEY PROVIDE THE STIMULATION TO GO FORWARD.
NOT ALL ANGER IS BAD. I NEED SOME ANGER TO HELP ME SET NEW AND MUCH NEEDED BOUNDARIES. NOT ALL FEAR IS BAD. I NEED SOME FEARS TO STAY ALIVE THAT’S WHY WE TEACH OUR CHILDREN NOT TO PLAY IN THE STREETS. SOME SADNESS IS ONLY A MEASURE OF THE LOVE WE HAVE FOR A DYING LOVED ONE. IS INFIDELITY A REAL EVENT? THEN WHY NOT SOME FEELING OF JEALOUSY AND HURT TO MATCH. ONLY BY FEELING THE PAIN IN MY FINGER AM I DIRECTED TO FIND THE SLIVER OF WOOD THAT IS CAUSING THAT PAIN. IN SHORT, TO STRIVE TO LIVE WITHOUT THESE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS WOULD BE A LOSS OF OUR HUMANITY AND THE SOURCE OF MUCH GROWTH.
AGAIN, I SUGGEST THAT WE CAN LEARN MUCH ABOUT OURSELVES BE STUDYING OUR NEGATIVE EMOTIONS, AND, THE REAL TASK IS NOT TO THINK WE CAN ABOLISH THEM, BUT LEARN HOW TO MANAGE THEM BETTER. THIS MAY BE THE CORE ELEMENT OF SERENITY. MUCH MORE CAN BE SAID ABOUT THIS, BUT I’LL SIMPLE ADD A FEW QUOTES FROM THE BIG BOOK AND 12 X 12 BOOK:
PG 93; (12 X 12) ” THE PAINS OF FAILURE ARE CONVERTED INTO ASSETS. OUT OF THEM, WE RECEIVE THE STIMULATION WE NEED TO GO FORWARD. SOMEONE WHO KNEW WHAT HE WAS TALKING ABOUT ONCE REMARKED THAT PAIN WAS THE TOUCHSTONE OF ALL SPIRITUAL PROGRESS. HOW HEARTILY WE A.A.’S AGREE WITH HIM. ( SO PAIN CAN BE — USED TO MOTIVATE CHANGE. IS THAT REALLY A BAD THING OR JUST A PRICE WE DON’T WANT TO PAY?)
PG 43 ” BY DISCOVERING WHAT OUR EMOTIONAL DEFORMITIES ARE, WE CAN MOVE TOWARD THEIR CORRECTION. WITHOUT A WILLING AND PERSISTENT EFFORT TO DO THIS, THERE CAN BE LITTLE SOBRIETY OR CONTENTMENT FOR US.” ( 12 X 12 ) SOBRIETY IS NOT THE SAME ANIMAL AS SERENITY. A PERSON CAN REMAIN SOBER AND STILL SUFFER FROM AN ABSENCE OF SERENITY.
PG 66 12 X 12 “NO MATTER HOW FAR WE HAVE PROGRESSED, DESIRES WILL ALWAYS BE FOUND WHICH OPPOSE THE GRACE OF GOD.”
12 X 12; PG 114 ” WE OFTEN DISCOVER A GREATER CHALLENGE IN THE LESSER AND MORE CONTINUOUS PROBLEMS OF LIFE. OUR ANSWER IS STILL MORE SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT”. (NOT A DENIAL NOR ESCAPE FROM THESE EVERY DAY PROBLEMS.)
B.B.PG 101 ” ANY SCHEME OF COMBATING ALCOHOLISM WHICH PROPOSES TO SHIELD THE SICK MAN FROM TEMPTATION IS DOOMED TO FAILURE”
12 X 12; PG 58) “NO DEFECT CAN BE CORRECTED UNLESS WE CLEARLY SEE WHAT IT IS…WE SOON FOUND THAT WE COULD NOT WISH NOR WILL THEM AWAY BY OURSELVES.”
(B.B.; PG 60) NO ONE AMONG US HAS BEEN ABLE TO MAINTAIN ANYTHING LIKE PERFECT ADHERENCE TO THESE PRINCIPLES…THE POINT IS WE ARE WILLING TO GROW ALONG SPIRITUAL LINES…WE CLAIM SPIRITUAL PROGRESS RATHER THAN SPIRITUAL PERFECTION.”
HOW CAN WE BE FORGIVEN WITHOUT STUDYING AND LEARNING FROM OUR NEGATIVE EMOTIONS, THEN MANAGING THEM BETTER. STEPS #4 THRU #10 ARE ALL ABOUT STUDYING OUR NEGATIVE EMOTIONS, NOT REPRESSING THEM INTO DENIAL. PERHAPS THEY HAVE A — USEFUL PURPOSE FOR LIVING. HOW IS ONE TO GROW WITHOUT SEARCHING FOR THE UNDERLYING PROBLEMS IN OUR THINKING.
“A CONTINUOUS LOOK AT OUR ASSETS AND LIABILITIES, AND A REAL DESIRE TO LEARN AND GROW BY THIS MEANS ARE NECESSARY FOR US…MORE EXPERIENCED PEOPLE, OF COURSE, IN ALL TIMES AND PLACES HAVE PRACTICED UNSPARING SELF-SURVEY AND CRITICISM. FOR THE WISE HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN THAT NO ONE CAN MAKE MUCH OF HIS LIFE UNTIL SELF-SEARCHING BECOMES A REGULAR HABIT, UNTIL HE IS ABLE TO ADMIT AND ACCEPT WHAT HE FINDS, AND UNTIL HE PATIENTLY AND PERSISTENTLY TRIES TO CORRECT WHAT IS WRONG.” (12 X 12; PG 88)
BEWARE OF THOSE WHO PREACH NEARLY COMPLETE SERENITY. WATCH FOR THIS SAME MISTAKEN IDEA IN OURSELVES. AN AVERAGE DAY INCLUDES SOME SUCCESSES AND SOME FAILURES. GET FAMILIAR WITH SEEING BOTH. THIS IS SIMPLY BEING ALIVE.