THE FOLLOWING SEEMS TO FIT MY EXPERIENCE IN RECOVERY. DOES IT FIT YOURS?
THE “ISM’S” OF ALCOHOLISM SUCH A COMPULSIVE OVEREATING, SMOKING, GAMBLING, CAFFEINE, SEEM LESS DESTRUCTIVE THAN ALCOHOL OR DRUGS, BUT KEEP THE ADDICTIVE MIND ALIVE AND WELL. ONE COULD SAY, THAT THERE IS A CROSS-ADDICTION TO A LESSER ADDICTION IN PLAY.
YET THERE MAY BE ANOTHER REASON ALCOHOL IS A SUBLT FOE. A FRIEND TOLD ME THAT FAT CELLS NEVER COMPLETELY DISAPPEAR, THEY ONLY SHRINK DOWN ACCORDING TO SOME DIET AND EXCERCISE PROGRAM. THEY REMAIN IN THE BODY TO ONCE AGAIN ABSORB AND RETAIN FAT WITH THE VERY NEXT DONUT. THEY NEVER GO AWAY. THE ONLY WAY TO COMPLETELY REMOVE THESE FAT CELLS IS BY LIPOSUCTION. HOWEVER, THE FAT MAY THEN POP UP IN THE MOST UNUSUAL PLACES ON THE BODY. MY EXPERIENCE IS THAT DEFECTS OF CHARACTER SEEM TO ACT A LOT LIKE FAT CELLS. THIS ANALOGY FITS MY EXPERIENCE.
NOW, THIS MAY SOUND LIKE A LOT OF LEFT-WING RATIONALIZATION BUT LET’S CONSIDER A COUPLE OF OTHER FACTS.
1) THE OTHER NIGHT I WAS IN AN A.A. MEETING OF ABOUT 10 PEOPLE. ONE OF THEM DECLARED THAT HE RELAPSED AFTER 21 YEARS OF CLEAN TIME; ANOTHER DECLARED HE HAD RELAPSES AFTER 22 YEARS OF RECOVERY, AND ANOTHER EXCLAIMED HE HAD STOPPED WORKING THE STEPS AND BECAME A VERY MISERABLE DRY DRUNK AFTER 15 YEARS OF RECOVERY. THIS IS NOT A RARE PHENOMENON IN A.A.
2) (BIG BOOK; PG 85) “IT IS EASY TO LET UP ON THE SPIRITUAL PROGRAM OF ACTION AND REST ON OUR LAURELS. WE ARE HEADED FOR TROUBLE IF WE DO, FOR ALCOHOL IS A SUBTLE FOE. WE ARE NOT CURED OF ALCOHOLISM. WHAT WE REALLY HAVE IS A DAILY REPRIEVE CONTINGENT UPON THE MAINTENANCE OF OUR SPIRITUAL CONDITION”
3) 1 AND thus we can behold how false, and also the unsteadiness of the hearts of the children of men; yea, we can see that the Lord in his great infinite goodness doth bless and prosper those who put their trust in him.
2 Yea, and we may see at the very time when he doth prosper his people, yea, in the increase of their fields, their flocks and their herds, and in gold, and in silver, and in all manner of precious things of every kind and art; sparing their lives, and delivering them out of the hands of their enemies; softening the hearts of their enemies that they should not declare wars against them; yea, and in fine, doing all things for the welfare and happiness of his people; yea, then is the time that they do harden their hearts, and do forget the Lord their God, and do trample under their feet the Holy One—yea, and this because of their ease, and their exceedingly great prosperity.
3 And thus we see that except the Lord doth chasten his people with many afflictions, yea, except he doth visit them with death and with terror, and with famine and with all manner of pestilence, they will not remember him. (Book of Mormon | Helaman 12:1 – 3)
AND SO IT SEEMS THAT WE CAN RELAPSE UNDER THE BEST OF CIRCUMSTANCES IF WE FORGET OUR RECOVERY PROGRAM OF FAITH INTO ACTION. SPIRITUAL RELAPSE ALWAYS PRECEDES THE PHYSICAL RELAPSE. COMPLACENCY IS A KILLER. SO TO SPEAK, THOSE FAT CELLS ARE NOT TOTALLY GONE BUT DO REMAIN QUITE SO LONG AS WE KEEP THE DIETING AND EXERCISE GOING.
IT HAS BEEN MY OWN EXPERIENCE THROUGH WORKING THE 12 STEPS THAT MY CHARACTER DEFECTS BECOME QUIETER, LESS COMPELLING, AND LESS OBVIOUS. THEY ARE STILL THERE BUT MUCH QUIETER AND THAT ALLOWS A BETTER LIFE FOR ME. BUT AS LIFE WOULD HAVE IT, THERE ARE SOME DAYS IN MY RECOVERY WHEN I GET TIRED OF TRYING AND REBEL. THEN, I SEE THESE OLD FAMILIAR DEFECTS SURFACE IN GREATER STRENGTH THAN USUAL. SO TO SPEAK, THEY BECOME LOUDER, MORE COMPELLING AND MORE PROBLEMATIC, AS IF THEY HAD REALLY NEVER GONE AWAY, YET WERE HELD IN CHECK.
PARDON MY SPECULATION, BUT THIS SEEMS TO ME TO BE ONE WAY GOD KEEPS ME ON THE TRACK OF ETERNAL PROGRESSION. THESE QUIET DEFECTS REMIND ME OF WHAT I AM CAPABLE OF AGAIN BECOMING.
BUT THE HARD PART IS SEEING THEM AS A REDUCED VERSION OF PAST, LOUD CHARACTER DEFECTS. I THINK BILL W. ALLUDED TO THIS WHEN HE WROTE, ” WE OFTEN DISCOVER A GREATER CHALLENGE IN THE LESSER AND MORE CONTINUOUS PROBLEMS OF LIFE. OUR ANSWER IS STILL MORE SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT”. (12 X 12; PG 114 )
I SUGGEST THAT THOSE “LESSER MORE CONTINUOUS PROBLEMS OF LIFE” ARE THE SUBTLE EXPRESSIONS OF THE SAME DEFECTS LISTED ON STEP #4 BUT IN A QUIETER, LESS PROBLEMATIC, AND LESS OBVIOUS FORM.
AS WELL BILL W. WROTE, “NO MATTER HOW FAR WE HAVE PROGRESSED, DESIRES WILL ALWAYS BE FOUND WHICH OPPOSE THE GRACE OF GOD.” ( PG 66; 12 X12 )
AS I PROGRESS IN MY RECOVERY, I KEEP RUNNING INTO MY PAST DEFECTS IN THEIR NEWER, MORE QUIET, CIVILIZED FORM. SOMETIMES THEY BECOME LOUDER WHEN I’M OVER-WHELMED, EXHAUSTED OR TAKING A PERSONAL “VACATION” FROM THE WORK OF RECOVERY.
A SIMPLE EXAMPLE FOLLOWS: I HAVE A CLUSTER OF WHAT I CALL, “MINI-RECOVERY PROGRAMS” FOR VARIOUS FRUSTRATING SOCIAL SITUATIONS. ONE OF MY HOBBIES IS BALLROOM DANCING. WHEN I GO TO A CHURCH DANCE I FIND IT FRUSTRATING BECAUSE NONE OF THE FEMALES KNOW DIDDLY ABOUT BALLROOM DANCE AND THE MUSIC CERTAINLY DOESN’T FAVOR BALLROOM DANCE. IN RESPONSE TO THOSE FRUSTRATING TRIGGERS I CAN SELF-ISOLATE IN A CROWD WHICH IS MY WAY OF REJECTING THEM. I FALL INTO A SULLEN SENSE OF THE SQUARE PEG NOT FITTING INTO THE ROUND HOLE AND LEAVE EARLY.
MY MINI-RECOVERY PROGRAM FOR THAT DANCE IS TO ASK 5 FEMALES WHO HAVE NOT BEEN ASKED OR LIKELY TO BE ASKED TO DANCE, TO DANCE WITH ME IN A SIMPLE WAY. I DON’T ALLOW MYSELF TO LEAVE THE DANCE BEFORE I ACCOMPLISH THAT GOAL. MY SPONSOR TELLS ME, “IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT ME”…THE WOMEN I DANCE WITH ARE GALS THAT TOOK THE TROUBLE DRESS UP, MAKEUP AND GET THERE BUT ARE NOT INVITED TO DANCE BY THE OTHER GUYS.
RESULTS: WHEN I SELF-ISOLATE IN THE CROWD, I FEEL AS IF I HAD FAILED MY RECOVERY PROGRAM…I FAILED AT MY “GOOD INTENTIONS”. WHEN I WORK MY MINI-RECOVERY PROGRAM FOR DANCES, I ALWAYS FEEL VERY GOOD ON THE DRIVE HOME.
“LEARNING HOW TO LIVE IN THE GREATEST PEACE, PARTNERSHIP, AND BROTHERHOOD WITH ALL MEN AND WOMEN, OF WHATEVER DESCRIPTION, IS A MOVING AND FASCINATING ADVENTURE”. ( 12 X 12; PG 77) MY MINI-RECOVERY PROGRAMS MOVE ME IN THIS DIRECTION.
I HAVE A MINI-RECOVERY PROGRAM FOR SEVERAL SOCIAL SITUATIONS WHERE OTHERWISE I WOULD BECOME FRUSTRATED, LEAVE EARLY, SELF-ISOLATE AND NEVER RETURN. INTERESTINGLY, IF I WERE TO SELF-ISOLATE FROM SOCIAL SITUATIONS THAT TRIGGER FRUSTRATIONS IN ME, I WOULD STOP FEELING MY REACTIVE CHARACTER DEFECTS AND COULD EASILY ASSUME I DID NOT HAVE THEM AT ALL. HOW COULD I SEE MY CHARACTER DEFECTS IF I STAYED AWAY FROM ANY SOCIAL SITUATIONS THAT TRIGGERED THEM. AND SO, ANY SOCIAL SITUATION THAT TRIGGERS FRUSTRATION IS WELL WORTH THE TIME TO RETURN, IDENTIFY MY UNDERLYING RESENTMENTS AND COME UP WITH A SIMPLE MINI-RECOVERY PROGRAM. THEN WORK AT REDUCING OR REMOVING THE MY DEFECTS OF CHARACTER. THIS APPLIES TO MARRIAGES AND FAMILY CHILDREN.
” BY DISCOVERING WHAT OUR EMOTIONAL DEFORMITIES ARE, WE CAN MOVE TOWARD THEIR CORRECTION. WITHOUT A WILLING AND PERSISTENT EFFORT TO DO THIS, THERE CAN BE LITTLE SOBRIETY OR CONTENTMENT (serenity) FOR US.” ( PG 42; 12 X 12 )
CAN YOU SEE THAT MY LOVE OF BALLROOM DANCE WILL NOT COMPLETELY BE REMOVED AND THE TEMPTATION FOR IT TO RE-SURFACE WILL ALWAYS BE THERE. I CAN REMOVE MY FRUSTRATIONS AT A DANCE BY HUMBLING MYSELF AND WORKING MY MINI-RECOVERY PROGRAM. BUT THE SEEDS OF DISCONTENT STILL LIE BENEATH. MY PASSION FOR BALLROOM DANCE IS NOT COMPLETELY GONE. AND AS LIFE WOULD HAVE IT, I EVENTUALLY FIND A WOMAN CAPABLE OF BALLROOM AND WILLING TO LEARN; SO MY PASSION IS REINFORCED AND APPEARS ON THE SURFACE ONCE AGAIN.
AND CAN YOU SEE THAT SELF-ISOLATING FROM THE SOCIALLY FRUSTRATING TRIGGER LOWERS THE CHANCE OF FEELING MY EMOTIONAL REACTIONS TO IT, AND THAT SELF-ISOLATING CAN GROW INTO A DANGEROUS FALSE SOLUTION FOR MANY FRUSTRATING SOCIAL EVENTS. AND THUS, SELF-ISOLATING RUNS CONTRARY TO “LEARNING TO LIVE IN THE GREATEST PEACE, PARTNERSHIP AND BROTHERHOOD WITH ALL MEN AND WOMEN, OF WHATEVER DESCRIPTION….” ( 12 X 12; PG 77)
PG 86 B.B. STEP #11: “AFTER MAKING OUR REVIEW WE ASK GOD’S FORGIVENESS AND INQUIRE WHAT CORRECTIVE MEASURES SHOULD BE TAKEN.”
SELF-ISOLATING WITHIN A MARRIAGE HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. IT’S AN EASIER, SOFTER WAY”, BUT WHERE DOES THAT LEAD?