RESERVATIONS ABOUT GOD IS NOT THAT UNCOMMON IN A.A. IN A GENTLE MANNER WHAT I HAVE DONE IS TO AGREE WITH THE SP0NSEE TO DISAGREE ABOUT GOD. THEN GO WITH MY OWN CONCEPTION OF GOD, NOT FEARING TO MENTION HIM FREQUENTLY. — USE IT AS SEEMS WISE TO YOU. PRESS FORWARD, PILGRIM.
SURRENDER
FOR SOME YEARS NOW I HAVE WISHED THAT BILL W. HAD INCLUDED A CHAPTER ON THE ISSUE OF SURRENDER. LET’S START WITH WHAT MIGHT BE THE OPPOSITE OF SURRENDER. IN MY OPINION, REBELLION IS AN OPPOSITE TO SURRENDER. THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE ON THIS PLANET WHO REF– USE TO BE CONTROLLED BY ANYONE ELSE. SOME REBEL WITH A PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE REACTION. SOME JUST WON’T LISTEN. MANY BECOME DEFENSIVE, AS WELL AS ANGRY. AND SOME A.A.’S WALK OUT OF A MEETING AS SOON AS THEY HEAR THE WORD, “GOD”.
SO I ASKED MYSELF, WHAT ARE THEY AFRAID OF IF THEY FOLLOW SOMEONE ELSE? FOR ME, THE ANSWER TO THAT IS EASY. FEAR OF BECOMING CONTROLLED MORE COMPLETELY AND LOOSING ONE’S OWN IDENTITY. AFTER ALL, THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE WILLING TO HELP WITH AN OVERABUNDANCE OF PERSONAL ADVICE, SOME OF WHICH SOUNDS GOOD, BUT WHICH IS DESTRUCTIVE. SOME OF THAT ADVICE IS SIMPLY UNSUITABLE FOR DIGESTION, MUCH LIKE THE BLIND LEADING THE BLIND. MOST OF US HAVE IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, WANTED TO TRUST SOMEONE ELSE AND BEEN DAMAGED DOWN THE ROAD BY MISPLACED TRUST.
THERE IS ONE VARIANT OF THE FEAR OF BEING CONTROLLED THAT HAS BEEN OF SPECIAL INTEREST FOR ME, THOSE THAT WALK OUT OF AN A.A. MEETING AT THE VERY MENTION OF GOD. MOST OF THIS HAVEN’T BEEN TO ANY CHURCH FOR A FEW DECADES, MUCH LESS PICKED UP THE SCRIPTURES, NOR EVEN PRAYED. IN MY OPINION, THEY HAVE FOR A VERY LONG TIME RESISTED BEING CONTROLLED AND HELD TO ANY STANDARD HELD BY ANY CHURCH. FOR EXAMPLE, I SUSPECT THAT MOST CHRISTIAN CHURCHS HAVE A MORAL CODE PRECLUDING FORNICATION AND ADULTERY WHICH COULD INTERFERE WITH OUR A.A.’S LIFESTYLE. SO WHAT? WELL, LIVING THE LAW OF CHASTITY COULD LED TO GREATER FEELINGS OF LONELINESS IF OUR A.A. TRY TO LIVE THAT CODE; OR GUILT IF HE FAILS THAT STANDARD. CHURCHES HAVE A MORE-OR-LESS UNIFIED SET OF STANDARDS OF CONDUCT BY WHICH IT’S MEMBERS STRIVE TO LIVE BY; OR, FEEL GUILTY FOR FAILING TO DO SO. PLUS, FROM SOME CHRISTIAN CHURCHS, OUR A.A. RECEIVES A PROMISE OF GOING TO HELL, DESCRIBED IN COLORFUL, FEAR PRODUCING TERMS. FOR THEM, GOD MEANS A NO-WIN SITUATION FOR THEM. SO THEY REMAIN GODLESS HOLDING ONTO WHAT THEY KNOW AND HAVE BECOME FAMILIAR WITH.
NOW IT SEEMS TO ME THAT BILL W. DID SAY MUCH ABOUT SURRENDER, BUT NOT EXACTLY IN THOSE WORDS. INSTEAD, HE SPOKE OF TRUSTING IN GOD.
(PG. 68; B.B.) “JUST TO THE EXTENT THAT WE DO AS WE THINK GOD WOULD HAVE US DO, AND HUMBLY RELY ON HIM, DOES HE ENABLE US TO MATCH CALAMITY WITH SERENITY.”
PG 68 B.B. “WE ARE IN THE WORLD TO PLAY THE ROLE GOD ASSIGNS”.
PG 98 B.B “JOB OR NO JOB—WIFE OR NO WIFE—WE SIMPLY DO NOT STOP DRINKING SO LONG AS WE PLACE DEPENDENCE UPON ANOTHER PERSON AHEAD OF DEPENDENCE ON GOD”.
12 X 12; PG. 122 “IT DID NOT MATTER TO MUCH WHAT OUR MATERIAL CONDITION WAS, BUT IT DID MATTER WHAT OUR SPIRITUAL CONDITION WAS.”
98 B.B. “BURN THE IDEA INTO THE CONSCIOUSNESS OF EVERY MAN THAT HE CAN GET WELL REGARDLESS OF ANYONE. THE ONLY CONDITION IS THAT HE TRUST IN GOD AND CLEAN HO– USE.”
BUT HOW CAN AN A.A. LEARN INCREASING TRUST IN ANY GOD IF THE VERY WORD DRIVES HIM OUT THE BACK DOOR? PERHAPS BILL W. SAW THIS IN HIS DAY AND ADDED THIS PHRASE TO STEP #3 AND STEP #11… “THE GOD OF OUR UNDERSTANDING” ,WHICH FOR SOME A.A.’S COULD MEAN HE GETS TO SET LIMITS ON GOD AND NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. THIS WOULD AT LEAST GET OUR A.A. STARTED WITH LEARNING ABOUT HIS RELATIONSHIP TO GOD.
FOR MANY, THIS WORKED. FOR SOME LIKE MYSELF, I DISCOVERED THAT IF MY EXPECTATIONS OF GOD DIDN’T MATERIALIZE, I BLAMED HIM, SAYING TO MYSELF, ” IF I AM GOING TO DO WHAT GOD WANTS, THEN GOD SHOULD DO WHAT I WANT.” BUT GOD KEPT ON BEING GOD AND SEEMINGLY IGNORED MY SELF-CENTERED EXPECTATIONS. I FINALLY GOT PASSED THAT. SOME NEVER DO. THEY DON’T REALLY TRUST ANY HIGHER POWER AND WON’T LOSE CONTROL OVER OUT-COMES. TRUST IN GOD DOES REQUIRE LETTING GO OF THE OUT-COMES, WHICH THEY REMAIN AFRAID TO DO.
ΒΆ Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes: (Old Testament | Proverbs 3:5 – 7)
“MADE A DECISION TO TURN OUR WILL AND OUR LIVES OVER TO THE CARE OF THE GOD AS WE UNDERSTOOD HIM”.
SAME THING; DIFFERENT WORDS. NO ONE IN A.A. OR IN ANY CHURCH DOES EITHER PERFECTLY AND THE SKY DOESN’T COME CRASHING DOWN ON OUR HEADS FOR IT.
OUR SPIRITUAL FOUNDATION: STEPS #1, #2, AND #3 ARE CONSIDERED OUR SPIRITUAL FOUNDATION IN A.A. BRIEFLY,
STEP #1 TELL US WE CAN’T BECOME SOBER, NOR MANAGE OUR LIVES ON OUR OWN. IT’S PRINCIPLE IS HONESTY…TO GET HONEST WITH OURSELVES ABOUT THESE TWO THINGS.
STEP#2 TELLS US THAT A HIGHER POWER CAN RESTORE US TO SANITY…IF WE LET HIM. IT’S PRINCIPLE IS HOPE.
STEP#3 TELLS US HOW TO. THE PRINCIPLE OF STEP #3 IS FAITH. FAITH AND TRUST ARE THE SAME. FAITH TO DO THINGS GOD’S WAY AND LET GO OF TRYING TO CONTROL THE OUT-COMES.
SURRENDERING IS BASED ON OUR SPIRITUAL FOUNDATION, ON THE FIRST 3 STEPS.
PG 64; B.B. “WHEN THE SPIRITUAL MALADY IS OVER-COME, WE STRAIGHTEN OUT MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY.”
IN MY OPINION, THREE THINGS ABOUT THE GOD OF OUR UNDERSTANDING ARE REQUIRED:
GOD MUST HAVE THE POWER TO REMOVE OUR OBSESSION.
GOD MUST BE ABLE TO RESTORE US TO SANITY.
GOD MUST BE A LOVING AND CARING GOD
BUT NOT IN THE SENSE THAT HE WILL ALWAYS FULFILL MY SELF-CENTERED EXPECTATIONS. FOR IF THAT WERE THE CASE, MY INSANITY WOULD ONLY CONTINUE, AIDED WITH HIS HELP. SOMETHING IN OUR DESIGN FOR LIVING HAS GOT TO CHANGE.
NOW THIS THING ABOUT TRUSTING THE OUT-COMES TO GOD IS NOT A PROBLEM ONLY FOR OUR A.A., BUT ALSO FOR OUR RELIGIOUS A.A.’S AS WELL.
PG 72; 12 X 12 “WE COULD ACTUALLY HAVE EARNEST RELIGIOUS BELIEFS WHICH REMAINED BARREN BECA– USE WE WERE STILL TRYING TO PLAY GOD OURSELVES. AS LONG AS WE PLACED SELF-RELIANCE FIRST, A GENUINE RELIANCE UPON A HIGHER POWER WAS OUT OF THE QUESTION. THAT BASIC INGREDIENT OF ALL HUMILITY, A DESIRE TO SEEK AND DO GOD’S WILL, WAS MISSING.”
SO WE GET ANOTHER CLUE FROM BILL W. IT DEFINITELY TAKES MORE HUMILITY TO TRUST THE OUT-COMES TO GOD. THAT IS WHAT IS REALLY LACKING…HUMILITY…TO BECOME WILLING TO REPLACE OUR EGO WITH WHATEVER OUT-COME GOD PROVIDES.
AND WE MAY BE WILLING TO REPLACE OUR EGO WITH GOD’S OUT-COMES IN SOME AREAS, BUT NOT ALL. HOW OFTEN HAVE WE HEARD AT MEETINGS WHERE SOMEONE SAYS “HE TAKES BACK HIS EGO.” FEW IF ANY OF US DO THIS REPLACEMENT ALL AT ONCE AND FOREVERMORE. OUR ABILITY TO LIVE STEP #3 SEEMS TO GROW INCREMENTALLY OVER TIME BUT CAN REMAIN BLOCKED ON SOME ISSUES CRITICAL FOR SERENITY OR EVEN SOBRIETY.
LET’S FACE IT, WE DEFINITELY NEED SOME KIND OF NEW DESIGN FOR LIVING. IF WE HANG ONTO OUR EGO, IT WILL LEAD US DOWN THE SAME OLD PATH AS BEFORE. HUMILITY IS SURRENDERING OUR SELF-CENTERED EXPECTATIONS, OUR HOPES, MAYBE EVEN OUR DREAMS IN EXCHANGE FOR THE OUT-COMES THAT GOD PROVIDES… NO MATTER WHAT!
SO, IF WE DESIRE MORE FROM GOD, WE MUST GIVE MORE OF OUR EGO AWAY AND RISK THE POSSIBLE OUT-COMES THAT CAN REALLY SCARE US.
EASY TO SAY, BUT HARD TO DO.